|Orange County Sober Living |
Wits Inn Intensive Out Patient
I remember the first time I was introduced to what they called Crank. I guess you could say that it was a bathtub made speed and they had recipes that are never used in today's Meth. I managed to tell my whole life story to someone I didn't even know. I thought that was just the greatest state to be in.
You see I had it all figured out that week. Right!!!!! I am not going to bore you all the details but I will tell you that I started smoking cigarettes at the age of ten and graduated to alcohol and drugs at the age of 12.
I was stealing cigarettes and alcohol from my mother' s cabinets which I knew she would never notice because she was dealing with a failed marriage and with her own use of alcohol. A lot of alcohol, which I so understand now. I am sad that she didn't get help.
At the time I was pretty much all about me and my needs, well not so much needs as wants. Give me this and I will stop bugging you! I got this but I always came back with another 'I WANT'.
My first attempt at recovery was more like a very overdue break in my life. It was an adventure and anyone who was looking for me, couldn't find me. I could breath again and I was safe.
But I just didn't get it. I didn't know anything about getting sober and changing my life.
Could they really want me to stop using? I checked into my first rehab when I was 24 and it was Christmas Eve. I was too angry to understand the power of the gift that my parents had just given me.
All I wanted to know was, 'who I could talk to to expedite my my flight home.'
Thirty days later I arrived back home and went back to using. I guess, I relapsed right away because I spent that thirty days time not listening to what was really being said about recovery and change.
I spent all of my treatment time talking about how I wasn't the one with a problem. My parents sent me here for their own reasons. I did not understand why my parents and these counselors were so stressed out with me. Why couldn't they see that there isn't even a problem at all. I was just living my life the way I choose. I loved being high, I'm just having fun.
Years later when I started getting arrested, I realized there was a problem. I continued to get arrested for some time after that. This was a big problem. I asked the Judge if I could go to a rehab. The judge must have realized that drugs and alcohol were causing my multi arrests so she said find a sober living with out patient I could do my time day for day in recovery instead of in jail.
I checked in 2 weeks late because I had a bad attitude about being forced to stop using. My addict mind quickly became confused once again as I left the court and got high. I had been giving a wonderful break but I didn't have any idea how to stop using.
I had been so sincere when I devised my plan to beg the judge to allow me to get some help and not lock me up again. Then the drugs went in and my resolve drained out.
But I did finally make it to that recovery program. Within a couple of weeks something clicked. I started to feel as though I could live without using. They taught me about "one day at a time." Negatives in my life seemed to go away as long as I didn't use. I went to meetings and work my 12- steps with a sponsor. A very simple program but a program that I had to work hard for. And as time went on, using was just not an option for me.
I will continue to write about the path that I am on and share with you how I got to this point in my recovery. At least for those who are interested and feel that they have had a similar experience with using. And I never have to lie!
|Orange County Sober Living|
Wits Inn Intensive Out Patient